Discover our tips to better manage the changes in your sexuality after the arrival of a baby, in 3 steps.
3 tips for better living your sexuality
after the arrival of a baby
Have you just had a baby and you are wondering about the evolution of your sexuality ?
Can’t find the time to have sex or is it less satisfying ?
Rest assured: you are not the only ones to experience these doubts, many parents do not pass there!
The decrease in libido, although not systematic, is common after the arrival of a child.
We invite you to explore together ways to better navigate this change.
Accept the change in your life as a couple
You have just had strong experiences: pregnancy, childbirth, the arrival of a child. It is normal for this to cause changes in your married life and in your sexuality.
First of all, your body or that of your partner has changed. He was subjected to severe test and perhaps keeps traces (hormonal change, scars, weight gain, pain, urinary leakage, episiotomy …). It is important that you take, alone and / or in pairs, the time to reclaim this body. It is a crucial step that can go through sexuality, but not only: massages, baths, hugs, caresses, are all small gestures that will allow you to reconnect.
You are certainly also tired. Your life as parents is now dependent on the baby’s rhythm: you sleep less well at night and your days are no more restful than your nights! Due to fatigue and lack of time, your moments of intimacy are rarer. Why not try to plan some moments for two? If the organization seems prohibitive and not very sexy, tell yourself that habits are also good: they are comfortable and reassuring. Go to bed together and earlier, take advantage of the nap time to give yourself a break … If the room is occupied by the baby, opt for the living room.
Do not give in to the injunctions
in matters of sexuality
We tell you all the time, you must be fulfilled on all levels: professional, parental, romantic, sexual … You have certainly well integrated these injunctions and you feel guilty for not achieving it … STOP! We just saw it, you are going through trying changes and they are affecting you. The repercussions of the birth of a child on your married life are normal.
Do you want to have sex less or more? Do you want them, but they are painful? Can’t find the time or the energy? Remember that your sexuality is yours, performance orders aren’t fulfilling for anyone. The cement of the couple does not necessarily pass sexuality. The simple fact of spending a pleasant moment together cooking, watching a movie, going for a walk, reinforces intimacy and complicity.
Also remember that nothing is set in stone: what is true today may not be true tomorrow. If your sexuality does not seem satisfactory to you today, it may be in a few weeks. Remember that your body will get used to the changes.
Explore new erotic horizons
Sex is too often centered on penetration, but it can be painful after childbirth. It is therefore essential not to focus on it and to discover other forms of erotic exchanges. Why not explore the many other practices ? Have you ever heard of Tantrism ?
This practice comes to us from the Indian tradition. It is a set of rituals aimed at associating the mind and the body until reaching the perfect harmony. It is about raising sexual energy without emitting fluids. Is it a bit confusing and you don’t have time to become perfect tantric sex disciples? Don’t worry, there are a few practices you can just take inspiration from. The rule of thumb is to let go of the expectation of sex as we usually hear it. Trantrism is not a preliminary, but an end in itself: that of the better knowledge of yourself and your partner.
Concretely, you can for example settle in a place that you like and create a soothing atmosphere (soft music, candles, incense …). Sit face to face, breathe calmly, and look at yourself in silence. You can stop there or continue by touching, then stroking, taking off all or part of your clothes … Not that complicated, is it?
What you must remember
- After the baby arrived, your sexuality may have changed … and that’s not necessarily a bad thing! Accept new things, even if they are synonymous with discomfort. It is a well-known precept: acceptance is the first step towards serenity.
- Refocus on your needs and your desires, free yourself from the dictates that society and your own mind impose on you. Your relationship can flourish elsewhere than in the sphere of sexuality.